Artwork by Kari (Karisutana @ soompi)



Artwork by Thanh (july_first @ soompi)


“Beautiful means you have to be perfect. In order to be perfect, you have to be satisfied with who you are and how you look. I’m not perfect, therefore I’m not beautiful.”

And she left.

She knew girls wanted to be just like her. Guys wanted to be with her. She accepted both facts graciously yet she was afraid to tell the truth.

She wasn’t the beautiful girl.

She had long, jet-black hair. Hair so healthy, it shined from roots to its ends. Her radiant smile revealed teeth that stood in perfect alignment and a gleaming shade of white, something rare without dental surgery. Through her smile, it provided comfort and brought joy to those around her.

Around her.

She was an amazing athlete though her frame was small and thin. She didn’t allow her shortcomings become an obstacle in anything she did. It was hard, trying to be beautiful. But she strived to be perfect; she wanted to be the beautiful girl everybody labeled her to be.

She was open to everything and anything. She always gave good advice and never turned one away. When it came to academics, she was competitive yet willing to help her adversaries. She had nothing against anyone and nobody had anything against her. She lived a pretty nice life. More would say her life was perfect and so was she.

What she saw in herself never appeared before anyone else. It never made itself known, she pretended it didn’t exist.

It grew within her, the invisible. To her, it was opaque because it wasn’t exactly transparent. It had power and it confided her with its strength. She was compelled to be its companion yet longed to be free of it. It told her secrets and successes of being beautiful and how to be beautiful.

She listened and learned.

She only attended school 173 out of the required 180. She had gotten too busy and was unable to finish school for the year. She was a senior.

Also the valedictorian.

The beautiful valedictorian.

It baffled the student body, they were stunned. It was like a cryptic riddle, a puzzle with a missing piece that will never be found or uncovered. Everybody knew the beautiful girl. She was the smart, sweet, and talented girl who was perfect. But they didn’t realize she never stood tall and perfect. No. No, they didn’t. She only allowed them to understand she was beautiful and constantly perfected and upgraded herself.

When the invisible told her the key to being beautiful was to aim high – she did. She aimed too high. It was beyond her reach. But she was determined to win. And she did.

She became a legend.

When she won, she didn’t feel a thing. She was lightheaded from the whole ordeal and her heart remained heavy as she didn’t go the extra ten miles she normally would. But it told her she did well. She didn’t need to carry on. She somewhat felt relieved because she was worn out. She was tired and she needed to rest.

When she drifted off to sleep, her companion was slowly diminishing. It extracted itself from her body and danced away with the light breeze that occasionally came by to usher it along its way to another young girl. The further away it floated, the weaker the beautiful girl became. Even in a deep sea of unconsciousness, the beautiful girl struggled to grasp onto the last of her evaporating friend. But it was too late. It was gone.

♥

Before she left, she explained the meaning of being beautiful. At first, nobody understood her. Then it all became clear.

She was having issues.

When she departed, it didn’t occur to anybody she had issues with herself. She constantly debated and argued with the one inside her. It was wrong of her to conceal habits that developed in the ninth grade. As time went by, it dimmed and united as one with her body. She entrusted her life to it and gave away her soul for the secret to leading a beautiful life. She was a walking bag of bones.

She was anorexic.

She didn’t like how she was living or how she looked because she felt fat. She often punished herself by forcing herself to vomit. It had told her it was a beautiful ritual performed by people who wanted to be thin and perfect. She had to follow three rules if she wanted everybody to believe she was truly beautiful. She had to fast, fast, and vomit. Modern society didn’t accept girls for who they are but how they appeared. She often looked in the mirror and saw a figure other than hers. It startled her to find an alarmingly distorted image before her eyes. It was an ugly loser. Not somebody beautiful.

When the last of her battle with anorexia came to an end, she believed she had won. She did. She won her freedom. As she felt her life slip right from her hands, she suddenly felt blessed with true beauty. She soared high above the sky to announce to the world she had finally accomplished her dream and wish to be beautiful. But sadly, the world found out on the 175th day of the school year.

The beautiful girl became a legend.

A beautiful legend.

It never left. It was her that diminished and evaporated. But what difference did it make? She didn’t learn or understand the difference. She only recognized one thing and that was she finally got rid of anorexia. She untangled herself from the mess the moment she shot too high. She proved to herself and the world that you can be beautiful and successful at the same time if you put your mind to it.

What a nice way to remember her.

Services were held a week following graduation. While students marched on to receive their diplomas and smiling sadly, they knew deep down inside no matter how much make-up they apply, how fancy their clothes were, they were not as beautiful as the girl.

There wasn’t a single person she knew from school that didn’t attend her funeral. There were also her cousins, her aunts and uncles, her grandparents – everybody from near and far all attended.

A special ceremony was held. Just because she was beautiful and perfect.

Everybody burned their lunches in memory of the beautiful girl.