Secret Wish
A secret wish of mine was made tonight. In the dark corner of my room, the darkest moment of my life, the darkest emotions seeped through me like hungry poison.
I made a wish tonight.
I cupped my hands before me to hold an invisible mirror to observe my blank expression. I felt empty and hollow. My hands trembled with anger, my heart cried in despair. I desperately tried to grasp on something, I do not know what. It leaked. It was getting away, spilling endlessly which formed pools that surrounded me. I searched for the answer to an unknown question. Locked within four walls I have come to recognize as safety and security; my eyes have learned to stop wandering. I understood my limitations.
Insanity plagued me. My mind, my soul has long ago shattered into a million, a billion pieces. They say behind every crazy mask, there is an intelligent genius. I gave up on my hunt for that hidden mastermind within me.
Deafening silence is my soul-mate, my best companion. It lulls me to sleep, soothes my aching pain. It leaves me in peace; it doesn’t nudge or hover over me. It does not lurk about, does not linger. It’s just there with me. The spoken language is now foreign to me though I remember it vividly. The loud, vociferous speech rang deep into the night, stung the inner core within me. The hot, scalding words burned my delicate skin while it iced my bones. Ice and heat do not mix. How was it possible for me to not break and vaporize? I remained silent and still as the night wore on. I squeezed my hands together to force silence upon her cursed lips.
They won’t stop.
She rambled on endlessly.
It was late when she grew tired. She was on the brink of losing her voice, her breathing became irregular, her lashing insults softened. She retired for the night. My ears have digested more than enough.
It still echoes thunderously at times in the night when I am alone, locked away in the four walls of my room. In my corner, I sat with my legs propped up close to my chest. I rest my face behind my legs. It was dark. I rocked myself.
I made a wish tonight.
I wished I was never born.
